I woke up this morning feeling frustrated because of stuff with mom. She's not doing well. I spent the whole day in my room because I don't like seeing her in this state, which makes me feel like a bad daughter and like I am abandoning her in her time of need.
Then I finished playing the newest Professor Layton game, which was very good, but had a sad ending that made me think of mom, so I burst into tears. After 5 minutes of crying, I instantly stopped, wiped up my tears, and carried on like nothing happened. Weird. I still am not able to cry longer than 5 minute increments. Perhaps it is a good thing.
Then I was feeling angry and journalled about my feeling angry which made me feel more angry. Then I ate meatloaf and felt a bit better.
My best friend called to check in and ask me on a New Years date (aka. girls night in), which cheered me up greatly.
Then I started to read the Book of Job because God told me to. Not the whole thing. Just until I felt I got the point, which was around the end of the first chapter in which I sat there muttering "I suuuuuuuuuuck!" I was also left feeling that God is not doing these bad things to me, satan is, because he wants to pull me away from God. It was at that point that I uttered "f*** off satan." Then I laughed, looked up at my very peaceful picture of Jesus, and smiled.
I've been good since.
Also, I recently discovered a new addition to my unpublished list of "Impossible Things to Find in a Store": stationary. I spent the entire afternoon yesterday with my other best friend trying to find some. Nothing. The best we could find was letterhead, but it's not the same. Damn email making letter writing obsolete.
I will publish my list later.
Until then...
Pax
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